Here I am again with my recurring December blues. For various reasons I always get really sad and really happy during December. My husband says I am just crazy in a loving and joking way, but either way, I still feel this way. One of the reasons this happens is because December reminds me of where I am in my life and I think about where I want to be next year. If I have not accomplished those goals, I get depressed. Second reason, my birthday is on Dec. 30th. I wait all year for my birthday and it never seems to make me happy when it is here; I have too many expectations for this day that never become a reality. I need to stop doing this. Third reason, I feel unproductive compared to the rest of the year when I am always doing something. I feel like a bum.
This year, specifically, has been one full of ups and downs. My father passed away, I got married, I haven't finished my degree, I got pregnant, I had a miscarriage, love Christmas, and have poopy birthday expectations. I am ready for 2007 to end. Fresh 2008, a new start... I am here again with my December blues... I have to remember this ext year...
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
I had a Miscarriage at 10 weeks
Hello. I created this blog because I found out miscarriages are more common than I thought and knowing this might have helped me deal with the situation better. Alos, because there ae many women who go through this and need to know they are not alone!!!
I was 10 weeks pregnant when the ultrasound revealed the embryo was only 6.5 weeks. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and it showed the embryo at 6 weeks. Therefore, it grew only 4 days in the course of two weeks. They couldn't find a heartbeat and diagnosed me with fetal demise. I took a supository to induce labor and had a miscarriage. I still have not gotten my period. The doctor said to wait two cycles before trying again.
I have yet to ask myself "Why?" I think things happen for a reason and if this was not meant for me right now, I am sure there is a reason for it. I am turning 29 in two weeks so I am not too concerned abot my age.
Most of all I am surprised and a bit uneasy with myself. I have been experiencing thoughts I have never had before. First of all, I have never been the kind of woman that as wanted children (maybe because I am a teacher! and work with kids all day!). And now I am wanting to have a baby, but not because the baby bug bit me. I think I want to prove to people that I can have a baby (which is not a good reason to have a kid). Second of all, I now get sad when I see people with kids or pregnant. I feel bad that they remind me of what I don't have. It's not that I am jealous of them; more like they are showing me what I couldn't do. Lastly, I can't stop thinking and dreaming of babies. My friends are having babies in my dreams, etc. I feel this experience has affected me more than I thought, and I need to talk about it.
I should have said that this has been an intense 2007 year. My dad passed away in January, I got married in June, got pregnant in August, and miscarried in November. All this while finishing my doctorate and freelancing as a theatre teacher!!! Intense!
So any comments related to this are welcome. I am looking for some feedback and maybe a light at the end of the tunnel...
I was 10 weeks pregnant when the ultrasound revealed the embryo was only 6.5 weeks. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and it showed the embryo at 6 weeks. Therefore, it grew only 4 days in the course of two weeks. They couldn't find a heartbeat and diagnosed me with fetal demise. I took a supository to induce labor and had a miscarriage. I still have not gotten my period. The doctor said to wait two cycles before trying again.
I have yet to ask myself "Why?" I think things happen for a reason and if this was not meant for me right now, I am sure there is a reason for it. I am turning 29 in two weeks so I am not too concerned abot my age.
Most of all I am surprised and a bit uneasy with myself. I have been experiencing thoughts I have never had before. First of all, I have never been the kind of woman that as wanted children (maybe because I am a teacher! and work with kids all day!). And now I am wanting to have a baby, but not because the baby bug bit me. I think I want to prove to people that I can have a baby (which is not a good reason to have a kid). Second of all, I now get sad when I see people with kids or pregnant. I feel bad that they remind me of what I don't have. It's not that I am jealous of them; more like they are showing me what I couldn't do. Lastly, I can't stop thinking and dreaming of babies. My friends are having babies in my dreams, etc. I feel this experience has affected me more than I thought, and I need to talk about it.
I should have said that this has been an intense 2007 year. My dad passed away in January, I got married in June, got pregnant in August, and miscarried in November. All this while finishing my doctorate and freelancing as a theatre teacher!!! Intense!
So any comments related to this are welcome. I am looking for some feedback and maybe a light at the end of the tunnel...
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