Pero que ra'pido pasa el tiempo... Es verdad lo que dice la gente que hay que apreciar cada momento porque se va volando! Mbel ya tiene 11 meses... Que? Estoy planeando un B-Day party para la chica que cumple 1 an~o! Oh, oh!

2009 begins...

Here I sit. My 3+ month old sleeps while I attempt at getting some words down on paper (computer, I mean). Baby Einstein plays in the background and kitties nibbling on their food. My husband is typing away, working from home.
So many wonderful blessings we have!
Y donde estaba yo el an~o pasado para esta fecha??? Encinta y ni lo sabia!
Mesiento a pensar en las cosas bellas que tengo (i.e. mi familia, amigos, salud, etc.) y aun no creo que lo bendecida que estoy!
Aunque estoy lejos de mi familia en PR, los siento cerquita!
Este va a ser un gran 2009! Lo siento en mi piel.
Oh, se despierta la princesa de la casa... AL RESCATE!

How I feel today...

Blessed, first of all. So very blessed.
I have an amazing life.
My husband is awesome, my family is awesome, my friends are awesome, and so are my cats.
I live far away from my family, but the internet helps a lot.
I live in a great house with a pool (pool season, get here!)
I am finishing my PhD, have a great job I love, and ready to move my life forward.

Now, this could mean so may different things for many different people.
I tend to be a control freak, and change has not always been my friend.

But, in the past year, my life has changed a lot and I have been able to deal with everything that was thrown my way.
I am feeling confident that change can be really good, whether it is because it is good or because I can learn from those experiences. I am blessed to have so many experiences which help me grow and possibly let me help my friends and family when they need help.

I love my life and I have to keep that in mind when things get a little rough.

Oh, and always smile!!!

Que tengo; que necesito.

Tengo un nudo en mi estómago.
Tengo un nudo en mi cabeza.
No se que pensar.
Todo lo pienso.
Bueno, todo lo malo.

Que imágenes tan insensitivas cruzan por mi mente sin consideración alguna de quien pueda estar cerca escuchando mi manifestación.

Tengo un nudo en mis manos.
Tengo un nudo en mi garganta que no puedo aflojar.
No te tengo.
Bueno, tal vez si.

Dicen que el tiempo cura todo.
Dicen que todo ocurre con razón.
Pero siento un nudo en mi estomago que no me deja moverme.

Necesito aflojar el nudo que me quita el aire.
Necesito abrir los ojos y dejar de soñar.
Pronto llega el momento.
Pronto puedo respirar.

December Blues

Here I am again with my recurring December blues. For various reasons I always get really sad and really happy during December. My husband says I am just crazy in a loving and joking way, but either way, I still feel this way. One of the reasons this happens is because December reminds me of where I am in my life and I think about where I want to be next year. If I have not accomplished those goals, I get depressed. Second reason, my birthday is on Dec. 30th. I wait all year for my birthday and it never seems to make me happy when it is here; I have too many expectations for this day that never become a reality. I need to stop doing this. Third reason, I feel unproductive compared to the rest of the year when I am always doing something. I feel like a bum.
This year, specifically, has been one full of ups and downs. My father passed away, I got married, I haven't finished my degree, I got pregnant, I had a miscarriage, love Christmas, and have poopy birthday expectations. I am ready for 2007 to end. Fresh 2008, a new start... I am here again with my December blues... I have to remember this ext year...

I had a Miscarriage at 10 weeks

Hello. I created this blog because I found out miscarriages are more common than I thought and knowing this might have helped me deal with the situation better. Alos, because there ae many women who go through this and need to know they are not alone!!!

I was 10 weeks pregnant when the ultrasound revealed the embryo was only 6.5 weeks. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and it showed the embryo at 6 weeks. Therefore, it grew only 4 days in the course of two weeks. They couldn't find a heartbeat and diagnosed me with fetal demise. I took a supository to induce labor and had a miscarriage. I still have not gotten my period. The doctor said to wait two cycles before trying again.

I have yet to ask myself "Why?" I think things happen for a reason and if this was not meant for me right now, I am sure there is a reason for it. I am turning 29 in two weeks so I am not too concerned abot my age.

Most of all I am surprised and a bit uneasy with myself. I have been experiencing thoughts I have never had before. First of all, I have never been the kind of woman that as wanted children (maybe because I am a teacher! and work with kids all day!). And now I am wanting to have a baby, but not because the baby bug bit me. I think I want to prove to people that I can have a baby (which is not a good reason to have a kid). Second of all, I now get sad when I see people with kids or pregnant. I feel bad that they remind me of what I don't have. It's not that I am jealous of them; more like they are showing me what I couldn't do. Lastly, I can't stop thinking and dreaming of babies. My friends are having babies in my dreams, etc. I feel this experience has affected me more than I thought, and I need to talk about it.

I should have said that this has been an intense 2007 year. My dad passed away in January, I got married in June, got pregnant in August, and miscarried in November. All this while finishing my doctorate and freelancing as a theatre teacher!!! Intense!

So any comments related to this are welcome. I am looking for some feedback and maybe a light at the end of the tunnel...